Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
