She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
