apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I have post one night stand depression
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
