they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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