White coat. Heels.
the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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