i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
