he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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