His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
