my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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