I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Please don't give away my fajitas
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