my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
soo... how was my night?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
