how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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