well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
