When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
