p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
