I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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