my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
