How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
