He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
