Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
