so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
