"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
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