he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize