Where is the hickey?
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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