I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Randomize
