this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize