id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
