i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
