fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
