I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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