A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
