ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
