"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
