If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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