i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
