would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Randomize
