the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
