I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
