I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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