Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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