At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Randomize
