he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
