guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
