Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize