hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
