btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
