Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
