Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
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