dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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