you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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