Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
