In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
