Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
