We're facebook friends in real life
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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