I'm jealous of your bromance
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
