just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
