i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
