I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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