Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
