Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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