I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
