she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
