I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
