I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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