Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
