U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I supernannyed him into submission
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
