They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I just got carded by a ten year old.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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