you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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