The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I pour the whiskey from now on
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
