yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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