i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
