I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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