She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize